My Dear Tom Uncle

Being an army spouse gave me an opportunity to interact with various legends of Bhartiya Sena. One of them is Tom Uncle (as he has strictly told me to call him). My first meeting with the legendary, Brigadier Kailash Prasad Pande, popularly known as ‘Tom Pande’ was nothing short of a humbling experience. The moment we met I felt incredibly protective towards them, something unusual, something you feel only for your parents. Born on 4th July 1925 Tom hails from a reputed Army family of Madhya Pradesh. Now, it is their fourth generation in the services.

During our conversation Tom revealed that he has fought as many as 18 battles since World War II, losing none. Tom’s most commendable performance was during the Bangladesh Liberation War in 1971 where he commanded a brigade with distinction which later came to be known internationally as the Phantom Force of Indian Army. For his gallant and skillful command of his force with complete disregard for his personal safety and even minimum comforts resulting in heavy attrition on the enemy, Tom was awarded the coveted Maha Vir Chakra by the President of India. I could notice the moist eyes of the most courageous, determined and inspiring leader of his times as he told me the heartrending tales of the 1971 Indo-Pak War. He lost most of his men at Dhalai where one of the toughest battles of 1971 Indo-Pak was fought. Oh! I just love these faujis.

A nostalgic Tom told about his life and times as an army officer. When I asked him how he judges the present Indian Army, the defensive soldier replied, “I’m very proud of it. Indian Army is one of the best in the world and I admire the professionalism that is seen amongst our troops today.”Following the gas tragedy in Bhopal in 1984 he was invited by the state Governor to be the chairman of the state Red Cross in which capacity he was able to bring solace to thousands of sick and the needy and created clinics and medical facilities to treat over one third of the severally affected population of Bhopal.
So what’s next? I ask. Very shyly, I am told there is a movie being made on him by director Siddarth Kothari and a book being written on the MVCs of the Indian Army by Maj Gen Ian Cardozo, VSM, SM. Long Live the Legend! And I am lucky to have met one.

My little coterie of friends

I just couldn’t have written another blog without mentioning my great friendships which I have formed during my husband’s numerous postings. For me whether a station is good, bad or bearable largely depends on the friends I have made there. Each friend I mentioned here represents a world, which we once shared which was possibly not born until they arrived. All of my husband’s peace postings remind me of some or the other special friend I had there.

Our first posting Tezpur reminds me of Akhita, a sophisticated and chic Puneite. She was a close friend and our friendship grew from our trips to the hospitals during our respective pregnancies and its complications. Akhita is someone I value as a part of my life for so long, that it seems like forever. Mhow had superb Surender, a pucca sardarni, who never failed to amaze me with her frank and in your face outlook. In fact she is responsible for some of the crucial decisions I made about my pregnancy and deliveries. The fact that our husbands too were great friends made things easier for us. We were next door neighbours and had some of the most memorable times together.
Think of Udhampur I think of Meena, a great friend with a great voice. Though we both belonged to the different units our mutual love for ladies club brought us together. While I loved to emcee she loved to sing. Both of us together would lift up the dullest of the evenings. A short course in Mhow gave me a chance to get lose to Manisha a wonderful human being with a golden heart. I simply love her for her simplicity. A great painter and an excellent cook she taught me about the finer points in life.

Jodhpur gave me a chance to befriend one of our jawan’s wife. Although friendships with other ranks are simply not accepted in the army I formed a very good bond with Saroj during my daily visits to the vocational training centre. Saroj had two children and younger one a girl was mentally disabled. Through Saroj and her immense patience and love for her younger child I got to know about the other side of motherhood. While I got busy with my own little kids I can never forget the love I saw between Saroj and her daughter.
Bhopal is a place which gave a quite a bunch of great friends. Maybe because of the extended period of time we’ve spent here. With Janaki it was all very instant, our boys were of the same age and went to the same school. We had a lot to share which resulted in a very deep friendship. Bhopal also gave me a very special friend Radhika. Her husband has already hung his boots but we still are great friends. We have shared everything thought that ever crossed our minds during that time. Now although she is in Delhi, but even now we have a bond that whenever we talk we start from wherever we left. It’s as if we never leave each other. We seem to be always together, both carrying on with our duties as military spouse and are looking forward to spending the Diwali break together. She is like a sister I never had……

Friendships in the army are like one minute, you’re having the time of your lives together. The next, posting orders come and you’re suddenly saying goodbye. But this little group mine is always sure that the goodbye is to say hello again very soon and we make sure it does. We all stay in touch from wherever we are. Thank you girls! For all the good times, bad times and great times of the army life we faced together. God bless....

My Dad is a Soldier

My five year old daughter Aayet has taken her father’s departure after a month’s long leave very badly. It’s been four days and she refuses to eat her dinner. She says she’ll have it only when Abba comes back. I have been trying and trying really hard to keep things as normal for her and for my son as I can. But at times I feel nothing seems to work, especially when she is really missing her Abba.
Yesterday she was sitting with one of his socks and crying. I guess being an army officer’s daughter it is just one of the sacrifices she would be making while Dad is away on field postings. I very strongly feel that we army families are some what a silent species. Most of the people just don’t comprehend the circumstances we exist in. Here, is a beautiful poem I came across and would like to share with you all.


My Dad Is A Soldier

My dad is a soldier. I can not lie

When he went it made me cry

It made me feel angry, alone, and afraid.

I find myself wishing that he could have stayed.
Im not sure I understand just why he had to go.

But I do understand that he could not say no.
I am so proud of my dad, for he's loyal, brave and true.

People say he's protecting my freedom and your freedom too.
The comforts of home, he must terribly miss.

He must feel so alone, with no one to hug and to kiss.
I want to hear the voice of my dad and feel the warmth of his arms.

When he wraps them around me, I feel protected from harm.
My dad is a soldier, I can not lie.When he returns home, it will make me cry.
by Michele

In countries like US they have full fledged inspirational programs for the children of deployed parents. There are numerous books for children as well as the mothers on how to cope with seperation. They even have a concept of Daddy Dolls. These dolls are the brainchild of two moms who are married to deployed marines. They wanted to make the separation easier for their children while "keeping their fathers close to their heart." The idea has been very well received and now you can get your own Daddy doll. All you have to do is to give them a three megapixel photo of dad in his uniform and they turn it into a cuddly 12- or 18-inch cotton doll.

I hope we Indians as a nation also wake up to the sacrifices made by our soldiers and take some meaningful action to make lives of our soldiers a bit better. Amen.

Best of the Brats

I must confess I simply love them!! And who doesn’t? Their style, mannerisms, and that little wild streak is something to die for. Ever been to 9 different states, 11 different schools, moved umpteen times, and seen some of the greatest things in the country before you even turned 18? Well, pick any army kid and I am sure you would have a mini encyclopedia in your hands.

Although one feels that this continuous moving around would make them a little unstable but it actually makes them more flexible and determined. I know some of my friend’s children who do have trouble adjusting in a new environment but most of them sailed through these phases comfortably. They generally move with their parents to the stations which already have other kids like them and friendships are formed very quickly. Social evenings and swimming pool sessions do play a large part in these bonds. Kids going through the same transitions tend to gravitate towards each other anyway. And some of the best friendships are formed during those years. With daddy gone most of the time our kids actually bond with each other beautifully. Right across my home some 7-8 kids use a garage for their music sessions. They have formed a rock band which is in fact quite soulful. They say they want be this century’s Beatles. Wow! I must say.

I feel their rich traveling experiences make them flexible, stronger, well read, well traveled, more thoughtful and most importantly smarter and mature adults, raring to go. How many kids do you think know of a place called Bumla which actually is the meeting point of Indo China border or Tawang which has few of the best monasteries in the world or for that matter Palchan, the most beautiful part of Himachal. Our kids do…..
A young girl I met the other day said, “Auntie am struggling to find a place to call home. When people ask me where I am from? I ask them "Do you want to know where I was born, where I went to high school, or where I went to college? I really don’t have one place I belong to. This makes a little sad, I want some stability in my life, some anchor.” These words actually set me thinking. This feeling does come in once in a while, I wanted to know whether this feeling is common A few days later I bumped into my best friend’s teenage son so I popped up the question whether he likes life as an army kid? And I must tell you his reply put me completely at ease, Auntie! Only we are able to do such exciting things! Moving from one place to another and saying, hey, I have a friend that lives there. I wouldn't trade my experiences for the anything. Plus I am so proud of my Dad. I look up to him, and know that he has done the right thing. My parents have raised me to be a strong individual and I wouldn't change my life for anything.” Good going son!!!
But one thing I am sure is that when our super duper dapper kids stand to honour the flag they stand in honour of all soldiers and most of all their daddies and uncles who are serving the country from far off fields.